Ever since he has found a new job which needs him to travel, he has been ignoring me...” that seemed to be a permanent lament of financial planner, Ritu Shah who was in a live-in relationship with boyfriend Nikhil for the past seven years. The couple had plans of getting married sometime by the end of this year, but Ritu’s insecurities got the better of the relationship which ended after the couple decided to part ways. Issues might crop up in a relationship when one partner is more insecure than the other, making it tough for both of them. A little bit of understanding and patience is all that is needed to strengthen the bond which might bite the dust if not cared for.

Where does this insecurity stem from?

No relationship is fun and easy to survive especially in the times that we live when there is so much of choice and distraction. When the person in relationship feels insecure, he fears about the partner’s intentions and wonders whether ultimately they will survive the relationship. Doubts and suspicion lead to mis-communication and the way you express your thoughts too changes. Mistrust is the next step when the person in doubt is not satisfied with the answers they get for the queries raised. Frequent recurrence of such incidents causes distress to both the partners leading to a distance. The partner who is targeted may try to control the situation initially but if it continues, might want to opt out of the relationship.

Deal with it and try to make your partner secure

Psychiatrist Dr Harish Shetty says, “When insecurity crops in, anger and suspicion are emotions that both partners have to deal with since love gets blocked. The best way to deal with this is to enhance communication that is crisp and helps clear the matter. Sharing the time table of the day helps to make the other person secure. One has to understand that deep mistrust can be due to traumatic childhoods that may need to be repaired. More physical and emotional contact can help calm the heart. Insecurities due to jealousy about each other’s friends need to be discussed in depth. Sometimes the insecurities are when a spouse has issues with one’s own body and that needs to be addressed too.”

Don’t suffocate your love

Jealousy can lead to suffocating your love with constant and undue attention. One needs to know the difference between the two emotions. Says stress counsellor Dr Yatri Thacker, “Sending an affectionate text saying, ‘I’m thinking about you,’ is one thing, but sending repeated texts is another. Instead of constantly texting or calling, send one text letting your partner know they are on your mind and leave it at that. If you text and don’t hear back right away, don’t send another text asking where they are or why they haven’t replied. Avoid texting them every time they go out with friends telling them that you miss them, either. It’s important that they don’t feel like they are attached to you all of the time. Once this feeling comes, it may cause them to pull away from you. Draw a line by giving them space which can help reclaim the relationship.”

To salvage a promising relationship

• Avoid clinging to your partner all the time
• Don’t let anxieties drive away your love
• Plan activities which both of you love to do together
• Keep communication lines open
• If you have trust issues, speak about them
• Be honest about your feelings
• If infidelity is the issue confront your partner
• If your partner has hurt you let them know how deep the hurt is
• Allow them to take their own time to think about the issues raised
• Once the problems are sorted, learn to forgive and forget